Updated: Mar 30, 2020
Life is so funny at times. It can have you on the highest of highs, at other times you can’t even function from system overload. One day you could be swinging from the chandelier and the next you could be struggling to dry your tears.
I’ve been on this rollercoaster for about 2 years…wait, almost 3 or is it 3. I can’t even keep up with that. But anyway, I’m pretty freaking exhausted.
Let’s see –2014 I had brain surgery. Same week my mom was diagnosed with cancer and faced a life or death surgery. I walked every step with my mom for 2 years as she, we, fought that bloodsucking cancer til her death in 2016.
Then I spent 1 ½ years just trying to learn to live without my mama who was my girl, my weekend partner, my everyday gossiping buddy, my we never got our eyebrows waxed without the other mama. And, I’m married so I fought with my husband constantly as my emotions would swing from the pendulum all the dang gone time. Highs, lows, highs, lows…swing, swing, swing.
Through it all there is always something in me telling me to just hold on. Just believe. Press on another day. Then I press through one foot in front of the other. I would slap on a smile, straighten my back and walk on. It is now October 28, 2017, almost through with the year and dang near every phone call, text, email has been bad news. This family member is battling cancer, this family member need a hip replacement NOW, this one’s dementia is getting worse fast and oh, wait, this one has cancer too. Like REALLY is all I can muster up to say. System overload is back. This time with a whole new wave of anger, frustration and sadness.
As I sit here thinking, reflecting, I keep going back to the times when something told me to hold on, to believe it’ll be alright, to press on and I know that was my FAITH. My faith, my belief has pulled me through before and it has to pull me through again. IT JUST HAS TOO!