Your intentions may start out as having good in them but the end results can be hurtful.
I always set out to have good intentions. I would like to think that I have never wanted to hurt anyone purposely, myself included, but I have.
Being intentional means that we really put some thought and prayer into how we will act toward ourselves or others. Right now I want to focus on how I have or had treated myself.
I haven’t always been good to myself. I have let myself wonder down some roads that caused many heartaches. I also let myself stay on those same roads way longer than I should have. It was not my intention to cause myself so much heartache but I did. It was also not my intention to pick up so much baggage from those roads and drag them with me from one stop to the next but I did.
Picking up all these bags from the roads of bad choices and life experiences can become very heavy. With all the weight, I began to feel that I had to drop them off somewhere, I didn’t care where, I just wanted them off me. I just wanted them to stop breaking my back and hurting my knees. I’ve meet people along the way - good and bad - and developed relationships. In the beginning of these relationships I had intentions of them all being good. I wanted to have the right people in my life. I wanted to soar with eagles but I still had all this weight and I couldn’t get off the ground.
See I had filled myself with unlovable habits…smoking too much, drinking way too much, not being mindful of what I did or who I did it too. After years of living this way, the scars were getting thicker and thicker. I was pushing good people away but attracting the wrong people. As they say, birds of a feather flock together. Hurting folks hurt folks and hurting folks gather together to wallow in their hurt instead of finding a solution to be better.
So for years I was on a road of intentional hurt that I didn’t even know was a road. I never knew a person could intentionally hurt themself. In my little mind, I thought all intentions were good.
Now after more years of hurt and just plain ole getting tired of the same ole same, I begin to notice a shift. I didn’t want to smoke or drink away the days. I didn’t want to wallow in my depression. I wanted a better life for my kids and myself. I just wanted to be good to me. I also realized that I did deserve better. And just like that my intentions begin to change. I became more intentional of my time. I no longer wanted to waste time on things that were not beneficial to my growth, health, or overall well being. I begin to feel that time was valuable and not to be wasted. I became intentional on how I spent my money and where I spent my money. I became intentional on the people I let into my life. As I studied the Word of God more, I was able to discern when someone was really for me or not…there really are people out there that just want to be in someone’s life to get what they can get for their good.
Here I am today - many years later - living for intentionally good. Living my life for purpose other then self-destruction. Living my life with the intention to help many others find the good intentions and drop the bad ones. We all have intentions, but are they good? Are they building you or others up or tearing us all down?
This day and everyday, I want to live an INTENTIONALLY good and fulfilled life. A life where my soul will be called Home with “WELL DONE, GOOD AND FAITHFUL SERVANT!”