On August 9, 2016 I said goodbye to my mom on this side of Heaven. For our family, my mom was our rock, the thread. She truly held us all together. Not just her children, but the children of her siblings, cousins and so forth. Family was her thing and she wasn't going to allow anyone to disrupt her family. Yea, she could fight too.
Four years later and I miss my mom like it is August 9, 2016. I heard someone say to me, "oh it'll get better" during those days of trying to hold it together just to plan and then get through a funeral. Today I don't remember who said that to me, but I want to say to them, yes, I smile a little more but it has not gotten better. I miss my mama! I want my mama here with me. I want to pick up the phone and call my mama and just laugh the way we use too.
Over these years what I have learned and now try to share with all that are where I am - GRIEVE! You can grieve. Grieve how you feel. Seek help if you must, but by all means grieve and don't let anyone tell you how to grieve. What I don't tell people is to suppress their feelings. Lord how I have learned that suppressing feelings bring on way more problems. If I'm in the grieving process and don't want to be in a room faking it with many others, I don't. I politely explain why I feel like I feel, then I be. I don't be rude but I don't hide my feelings either.
Two weeks before my mom's death she was placed on in-home hospice. My mother suffered from Cancer and it was traumatic to watch. Every year since her death, two weeks before August 9th, I get this feeling that I can't really explain. It's like my psyche know what I went through then and it begins to relive it all over again. I can remember the conversations in those two weeks. I can remember what we ate during those times. I can remember all she told me in secret, our little laughs. I can remember the people that came in and out of the house to visit with her before she lost her speech and movement. I can remember the hospice nurses and I having long conversations at night about how good my mom was to so many people. And lastly, I remember her saying "Dena get your sisters and y'all husbands in here so you can lead us in prayer," then that being the last of her words to us all.
I have three beautiful granddaughters that light up my world. This past weekend during my grief process I sent for them. My son didn't hesitate to bring them over. My lil angels helped to brighten a somber mood just like my mom would have wanted. My mom would have wanted family together. So mama, your girl is still here longing for you. The pain hasn't gotten better, but it is bearable. We miss us some you, ole girl!
Oh and mama, I DID IT! I started Humble and Loving Ourselves just like you told me to. Thank you for always believing in me and helping me not to be ashamed to tell our story.
Alright HALO women, let's talk about grief. How do you handle grief? Have you ever lost someone or thing that made you feel like you couldn't go on? What did you do? Do you have people in your life that support you during these times? If not, reach out to me. I don't want to see anyone going through alone or without a listening ear.
Continue to be Humble, continue to Love on yourself and never forget Iron Sharpens Iron. We are in this together.